Well friends, 2012 has almost reached its end. We’ve seen some amazing feats, some tragedies, and some overall awesome things. As 2013 approaches, I’ve been giving a lot of thought about how the music scene has changed so drastically over the last twelve years.
As previously posted, I submitted that 2002-2004 was the last run of really solid music all across the board. But look at just how much things have changed since then! A good majority of popular music isn’t even played on real instruments any more, and that is a travesty.
So, instead of letting all this pent-up rage and aggression I have against the modern music industry fester inside of me, I decided to sit down and compile a list. Now, narrowing this down to just 10 was a very, VERY difficult task for me. However, for lack of time and space, I’ll do my best.
Here we go!
Although they technically got started in ’95 and were signed in ’99, they didn’t really achieve “success” until the year 2000 with their album The State. And that’s the only positive thing I have to say about them. From their repetitively generic lyrics, to their unimpressive musicianship, Nickelback is an all-round terrible band. I mean, just LOOK at them.
Is the guy on the right trying to bite his lip? I can’t tell. I’m too distracted by Chad Kroeger’s souless eyes staring at me.
All-in-all, Nickelback is the true definition and embodiment of “Bro-Rock,” and, like Bros, should be avoided.
#9 Lil’ Wayne
When it comes to hip-hop, the whole industry has gone stupid. Everything is auto-tuned, over produced, and over the top. And Lil’ Wayne (a.k.a Weezy, a.k.a Some dude I really don’t care about) is not helping. Granted, he DOES at least know how to play guitar, so I will give him that. However, his mind-numbing “flow,” his nasal voice, and his “I’m clearly smoking absurd amounts of weed” lyrics smash this one positive trait into oblivion. It saddens me that this:
Does his belt-buckle seriously say “RAPE?” Really?
is the role-model for aspiring rappers, when we still have amazingly talented guys like Mos Def and MURS still around! *sigh* Moving on.
#8 Ashlee Simpson
Challenge: Name me FIVE Ashlee Simpson songs, without using the internet. Aaaaaand GO!
Can’t do it, huh? Thought so. Ashlee, while being a good looking girl, who attempted super-stardom back in 2001. Following in the footsteps of big sister Jessica Simpson, Ashlee attempted pop, the some weird abomination of pop-punk, then back to pop. Poor thing failed at all three. We all know the reasons she’s stayed in the spotlight are not due to her music.
Remember the SNL disaster? She lip synced, the WRONG song mind you, proceeded to do an odd little jig, then tried to pass the blame of on her band and a sore throat.
Aside from marrying Pete Wentz, bass player of Fallout Boy, and naming their spawn Bronx, Ashlee Simpson has failed to do anything significant in the music scene for quite some time now.
#7 Theory of a Dead Man
Seriously, why is Bro-Rock a thing? Honestly? I thought Nickelback’s lyrics were generic, but MAN these guys take the figurative cake! Aside from Theory’s OVER sexed…everything, I can hardly tell the two bands apart.
Don’t let their look fool you, the reek of Monster energy drink and Affliction T-shirts!
Hipster-metal. Yeah, it exists. It’s headed by iwrestledabearonce. And it’s just as awful as it sounds. It saddens me that such a pretty girl is in such a crappy band. But thems the breaks, right? “Nick, what’s wrong with them?” You ask? Go look up a video of theirs. Anyone will do. After your ears stop bleeding, you’ll notice the strain to mix Hipster culture (ugly laplanders, PBR, ironic beards, etc.) with the Hardcore scene (growling lyrics, freakish ear gauges, break-downs, and an over abundance of neck tattoos). Your brain wont accept what you’re attempting to do to it, and it may just shut down.
Look out behind you, the Hipsters are coming!
Hipster-Metal. Not even once.
#5 Soulja Boy
Remember earlier when I said that the modern Hip-Hop industry is over-produced, auto-tuned, and everything? THIS guy is the very embodiment.
This guy. This f—ing guy right here.
Thought Bro-Rock was bad? Thought Hipster-Metal was an abomination against mankind? You were wrong. I found something far worse. Something so dark and sinister, it is a plague. Brokencyde. They’re the bastard child of the two…”genres”. Satan himself would be disgusted with these…things.
Between the constant yelling, the over use of Pro-Tools , and the Shutter Shades, I’m seriously debating rage-quitting life. Or going on a rampage. Or both.
#3 Nicki Minaj
One day, when we’re all old and feeble, our grand kids will visit us and ask us about what music was like when we were kids. Can we all agree that we wont mention this:
Stupid hoe. Stupid Hoe. Stupid stupid stupid hoe.
Why is/was she an American Idol judge? Honestly, I hated that show from the beginning, but they at least had TALENTED judges.
#2 Blood on the Dance Floor
Further proof that Pop is the enemy of Metal, and that the two should never, EVER cross. Blood on the Dance Floor tries to mix whiny boy band essence, hard rock/metal guitar, and dance music. The end result made my soul hurt.
Don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs while pregnant. Your kids might end up like this. You don’t want that.
I have yet to meet anyone who likes this…band. And yet, they’re popular.
#1 Justin Bieber
He can’t sing. He can’t dance. He can’t really play any instruments. He doesn’t write his own songs. I don’t get it. I’ve tried to, but I keep coming back empty handed. He/she/it is why we really, REALLY shouldn’t let pre-pubecent girls dictate what music should be popular.
“He” looks like a 13 year old girl.
The reason Biebs annoys me so much, is that his talentless self has gained so much popularity and recognition, while truly talented bands/artists face an uphill battle just to make it by.
I realize that this whole post may seem like one huge rant, and maybe it is, but that doesn’t mean it’s not open for discussion. Do you agree or disagree? Who would be in your top ten? Let me know, I want to hear from you.